Why men love to hide...an end of year exhortation

Well guys, it's come to another year of Ironmen, some guys have left because of competing priorities or change in their circumstances and others have joined.

Whatever your walk this year with us, we've been blessed to have your company and presence. Iron can not sharpen itself, it needs the grinding of another.

Let's consolidate this year and regroup with a few passing remarks:

If you think about it, men love to hide.

It is said, men “go into their caves”, the ultimate modern neanderthal, retreating into his own personal circumstances, problems, pain, and issues.... all by himself, alone.

Men love to hide, from our wives, our kids, our friends, our colleagues, our clients, our parents, our relatives...our boss... you name it, we love to hide. And then we hide from God.

But the best of all, is ourselves. And I'm speaking from personal experience.

You know, you've been there, you get so wrapped up in a problem that you can't stop thinking about it, you're down in the bunker and really, you're hiding from facing the truth about that situation.

It is said, men won't change unless they accept the truth about themselves. You could say that for all peoples, but it's “truer” if I can use that term for men.

Men love to hide in groups, in the pub, in busyness, in work, in our ipods, in travel, in earning money, in spending it, in planning for our next mountain to conquer... in the late night TV or internet.

And then, 'BOOM'! We come out of the cave and announce we're here – generally not in a constructive, productive, helpful way. Of course, you know the story, because you've been there, it comes out in rage, anger, knee jerk reactions, frustration, violence, threats.... or you might not be the angry alpha male, instead you completely leave that cave (but we'll call it: an area of responsibility) to “find yourself” in something else, which is really code for: “I can't handle this any-more and it's not making me happy or anyone around me, so I'm going... to leave the room, the house, the home, the job, the marriage, the kids, the country...” whatever it is.

This year for me has been a great reminder of why Men love to Hide. As a general rule, we are built to solve problems, we are creators, conquerors, builders, problem solvers. We have to achieve and being the “solutions consultant” is inherent in our DNA. But when we get ourselves into a pickle or better still our wife or family member is in trouble and we can't solve it, we drop into ourselves and hide, to funnily enough look for the answer, or just to let the problem stew.

In Proverbs, 30: 8 Agur, the wise asks of only 2 things before he dies: 1. To never tell a lie (a love for Truth) and 2. Nether wealth or poverty (that would cause separation from God)

Honing in on 1. A love for Truth, to me this is incredibly insightful, because for a man, the position of Truth, means we have come to a place where we can change, get better, improve, refine, adjust, reposition towards a superior level. Whatever analogy you want to spin on it, men need a love for Truth in our lives, about ourselves, our personality, our characteristics, our value system our faith, our skills, our marriage, our kids, our friendships our money, our time... and of course our relationship with our heavenly Father and earthly one.

Take Stock for a Moment

I have asked many a man to come along to Ironmen, not because they are broken, hopeless, or in need of a secret mens' group to help with their addiction. But because every man needs some place where we can possibly find the Truth about ourselves and answers to our everyday challenges.

But most men I've asked, politely say: “Thanks, that sounds like a good idea..” and leave it at that. They go back to hiding. And I can understand why, because who wants to confront the Truth, when you're thinking it's going to read like a Visa statement – overdue, in the red, and getting worse.... let's leave it for another month....

Believe me guys, I get it. I don't like facing the truth at times. BUT:
“An honest answer, is like a kiss on the lips”....

Three final remarks

I can't help but think of Jesus, walking the road with 12 guys every day for 3 years, walking, talking, doing...together. Men do stuff together, side by side whereas women, talk, face to face.
Just think about it.... no where to hide and better still, a great group to work through challenges with. And with God's presence never far away.

I have seen in the last 3 weeks, 2 personal stories of men imploding. On the surface, they are by all means “winners and successful”. But their personal worlds are a mess. And I'm pretty sure they don't even know it. (Because we can rationalise any decision to suit our needs, especially when it comes to abdicating responsibility.) And the after affects on the people who rely on them are life-changing.

When I hear of situations like the previous ones, I ask myself, will that be me next? Am I the next one up? like it's some fatalistic path. And I kinda "frisk" myself to check: my character, my time, my attitude, my work ethic, the status of my wife and kids (i.e are they generally happy/content?), my money, and my relationship with God - are we still talking, have I heard from Him recently?

Men love to hide. Iron, can't be sharpened by itself.

Guys, if nothing else for 2011, come along and be sharpened, and to sharpen me. God knows I need it.

Thanks for turning up, for contributing and at times allowing me to indulge my challenges over the year. You're all great men and men of God at that.

Ben