Rebuking and Teachability

"An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips" (somewhere in Proverbs)



"An open rebuke is better than hidden love" (Proverbs 27:5)



"Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy" (Proverbs 27:6)

"A single rebuke does more for a man of understanding than a hundred lashes on the back of a fool" (Proverbs 17:10)



"So don't bother correcting mockers, they will only hate you,
But correct the wise and they will love you" (Proverbs 9:8)

"Pride leads to disgrace, but humility comes wisdom" (Proverbs 11:2)

"Pride leads to conflict, those who take advice are wise" (Proverbs 13:10)

"True humility and fear of the Lord lead to riches honour and a long life" (Proverbs 22:4)

"Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock" (Matthew 7:24)

"But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn't obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand" (Matthew 7:26)

It's an interesting topic this one I think, in as much that our Australian and Western society has had a reformation on self help books and finding our "Best practices" for our family, health, business, management, process, marriage, sex, education.. the list goes on.... of which there is much wisdom (and rubbish) in them, but for us guys, I keep coming back to this question: 

"Am I able to rebuke someone?"
"Am I able to be rebuked and cop it?"
"Am I teachable?"

Proverbs spends much of it's time talking about obtaining wisdom and holding on to it. Teachability, being able to be rebuked it would seem are 2 core characteristics that we need, if we are to obtain wisdom. Kind of makes sense, if you start out without knowledge and need it to become wise.  



Jesus spends much of his time teaching people (firstly he would do stuff, and then teach afterward about what he had done, which is an interesting discussion in itself), for which many said " this is a hard teaching" or flatly wanted to kill him for it. 
You could surmise that the Pharisees were not teachable?

Coming back to my original three questions, in my head I believe Yes to be the answer to all three, but how do I know? What examples can I point to?

Another really good question I think to ask, is: how do I handle small rebukes or being told off at work or being chastised for small things? How does that compare to others around me?

Do I cough up and admit when I made a mistake?

Guys, I would love to say I am humble and open and take criticism well, but I am at times, one prideful beast of a man. And I don't like it. To the point where I can see it as a character flaw that can take me out of the game. I don't say that lightly. Pride and confidence in this discussion are at opposite ends. Pride and being proud in them selves are not bad. I am proud of my accomplishments for example. But my pride is a flaw when it comes to saying sorry to my wife first.

Is there a difference to wanting to learn, versus being able to accept criticism and being chastised?

I think so.

There are 3 guys in my life that I don't think are have the 2 characteristics we're discussing.

1 responds like a teenager when being chastised

1 believes they know all things and indirectly lets everyone in the room know they are the smartest kid on the block

1 can't take orders from management or people more senior than him

Each of them seek education and have spent much time educating themselves. One of them is a ferocious reader. But I observe traits that prevent them from accepting a rebuke and being taught by someone under them. 

It makes me think, is that me? Am I like that?

Do you have a friend/colleague that you can trust to rebuke you?

How willing are you to be taught even it they are below your pay grade, age or position?

How willing are you to be rebuked and taught by God?

“For the Lord disciplines those he loves” (Proverbs 3:11)

“But God's discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness... no discipline is enjoyable while it is happening- it's painful. But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained that way” (Hebrew 12: 10-11)

As men, we need to remind ourselves of this stuff on an ongoing basis and have it as part of core character traits, because we'll either: 

- Be stuck on that island of pride all with no-one around

- Be the smartest (and dumbest) guy in the room, because we are the only one there

- Reduce our capacity to live out the Dominion mandate by being as productive as an infant

- Fall in satan's hands - you and I might accept forgiveness through Jesus Christ, but where to from there?  How can you and I ever be corrected and taught if you know it all or can't see "the plank in your own eye, over the speck in your brothers?" Do we not need teaching and rebuking once we accept Christ into our hearts?

- Pass on a poison legacy to your kids

Here's some thoughts/practical actions:

• Ask someone you trust: are you teachable? What areas are your weaknesses?
• Have the guts to rebuke someone if it's legitimate – check your motives before you do
• Learn to shut up when someone is teaching / telling you something – even of you already know. (i.e. don't shut them down, or finish their sentence – I used to do that all the time and still do occasionally)
• Keep your heart soft towards God: “Out of a mans heart, spring the issues of life” - how many walked away because of a hard heart.

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