The (un)Sacredness of Sex
Let us go back to first premises: what is the purpose and function of sex?
Why bring this up in Ironmen? Becuase apart from taking the "old fashioned" traditional christian morality of "becuase God says so", what is clearly occuring today is the irrationality and nonsensicalness of today's school of thought on sex.
If you and i as men, fathers, husbands and leaders are to lead our community through the fallacies that exist on the subject of sex, then we need to not only have the correct moral stance but understand the premises behind that morality rather then just saying "becuase God says so".
So back to the question: what is the purpose and function of sex? Given it is a finely tuned, delicate and intrinsic part of our species that is unique amongst all other animals, begs the question.
If as the evolutionary naturalist states: it is for propogating DNA (which assumes a premise from irrational and mindless origins - but that is a whole other problem with naturalism for another day) then sex is just a physiological, chemical and material action. What differentiates this act from say eating or breathing? If we are to propogate DNA then would it not also mean then we should be impregnating as much as we can, as we do eating and breathing and sleeping? The naturalist says: well that's exactly what we do, but fails so monumentously to include very important aspects to sex that are undeniable. Just a simple example: sex is an expression of love. Sex has a moral code: to force sex with a minor (or anyone) is wrong. The animal kingdom does not have any such attributes.
So if sex is not just propogating DNA and is not just mechanisitic, and that it is a finedly tuned and designed thing, what is it's purpose and function?
If we know the answerto that question then we can understand if we are misuing it and abusing it.
The analogy is: giving a person on the street a manual of how to fly an A380 while they sit in the cockpit isn't going to work, becuase it assumes the person understands the purpose and function of a plane. Just as teaching a teenager the instruction set on how to have safe sex won't work becuase the function and purpose of sex hasn't been defined.
The world hasn't answered it, and here's proof:
Excerpts from: http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/07/06/1057179217224.html
She is, as it turns out, simply here to have sex. This is, she believes, consenting adults at their most consenting � a sexually-charged visit to a land of take-what-you-want. Well, as long as you ask nicely. Freedom from petty jealousies and a share and share alike attitude that, the way she tells it, is a higher form of sexual evolution than most couples are ready to explore.
Barry, 29, and Tina, 32, have been doing this for eight months. He introduced the concept to her three years ago and, after initial refusal and subsequent discussions, she re-introduced the idea almost a year ago.
�It has spiced things up a bit,� Barry says.
Could it get complicated?
�If you�re not careful, yes it could,� he admits. �You have to be very clear with each other about what you do and don�t do. We always tell each other where we�re going and who we�re going with. Always have safe sex � use a condom � and no anal sex.�
�Some people can be really judgmental,� Greg says. �That�s what I like about the people we�ve met swinging. They�re really lovely people, really open-minded.�
�We�ve been coming here for about four years. This is the nicest party,� Peter says. �The attraction for me? It keeps the marriage exciting.�
While he chats to me, Melissa and Brad excuse themselves, hand in hand. �We�ll just go off and have a play,� Melissa tells her husband.
He smiles, nods, sips at his drink. It wasn�t always this way.
It was Peter�s idea to swing. His wife was not so open.
�No, she cried for a week,� he says. �Thought it meant I didn�t love her anymore. Thought it was threatening. It was a long process.�
The complex relationship with Brad did, Peter admits, take a while to develop.
Excerpts from :
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/blogs/citykat/can-sanctioned-affairs-improve-a-marriage-20131003-2uuqp.html
Not quite swinging, not quite cheating. This was a story of something in between. Something apparently growing in popularity – something arranged between husband and wife that ensures the longevity of a marriage while essentially rewriting the rules.
Rather than excluding other parties from the intimate aspects of a long-term relationship, this approach follows the "more is merrier" rule. You might have a lover, I might have a lover, we both still love each other, and so what's the problem?
Well, it seems there isn't one. Not for the couple at the heart of the situation, at least. They get to keep their family home, their joint savings account, the wealth of memories and sentiment of a life shared together, and probably on occasion the intimacy and understanding that followed their original romance. Plus, they get to enjoy the pleasure of another's company without fear of spousal retribution.
To use the vernacular: Winning.
And, when you consider how much longer we're living, and how expensive divorce is – not to mention how traumatic for the family – it's fairly clear why this trend might just catch on. Even if countries like America, Britain and Australia, presumably, tend to have a pretty dim view of extramarital fraternising. According to The Independent article more than 90 per cent of Americans and 80 per cent of Britons condemn extramarital affairs as wrong. This compares with just two in five people in Italy and France.
Interesting.
Before jumping on the European bandwagon, we should consider why the idea of adulterous behaviour is so summarily frowned upon. Why are affairs an issue? Should we really update our view?
Excerpts taken from: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/sex-in-the-schoolyard-20130924-2ubwi.html
Yet the mention of teenage sex often sparks moral panic among older generations, convinced today's youngsters are more lascivious, morally looser and less responsible than they were. Urban myths abound, like rainbow parties where girls wearing different-coloured lipstick perform fellatio on the same boy, or sex bracelet parties where different-coloured bangles signify what you're up for (anything ranging from a hug to anal sex, apparently).
So what's it really like to be a sexually active teen today? They're having sex younger. They're having it more often. They're doing it with more people. And they're doing things we've never heard of – or at least we certainly hadn't when we were their age.
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The single defining characteristic of teenage sex in 2013 is porn. Graphic, hardcore sex, free for anyone with a smart phone to watch. It's so ubiquitous that the average age of first exposure to porn is now just 11 years old, warping kids' ideas of what normal sex is years before they are likely to try it themselves.
But Anne Mitchell, deputy director of the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society at La Trobe University, argues that for many adolescents "the chance to see any sexual activity is really important and valued". Many kids now use online porn as a "how to" tutorial. "I gave head one day when I didn't know how to do it," says Malina, 17, "so I went home before and watched porn just to see how to do it."
Natalie's father probably wished he hadn't seen what was going on when he walked into the 16-year-old's bedroom to find her masturbating in front of her computer for the benefit of her boyfriend watching via Skype. "It was a little awkward," Natalie giggles.
But technology can make things worse than awkward if intimate encounters are recorded and broadcast for mass consumption. Spare a thought for the 14-year-old who had sex in the back of a maxi taxi with her boyfriend one Saturday night, unaware her friends were filming it on their phones. "By the time she got to school on Monday, everyone had seen it," says Liz Walker. "The trauma from that is huge, and there is this ripple effect through the school."
Fred didn't try oral sex with his girlfriend until months after they lost their virginity together. "She's the only one I've ever done [oral sex] with," he says. "I find it a very personal thing; you're crossing a serious line."
AND NOW FOR THE GOOD NEWS
"Most young people mostly have the sex they want, and they're having it in a fairly safe way," stresses Anne Mitchell. "Any teen lives a good sexual life if they're not stressed or threatened or unhappy about it." More than 90 per cent of teenagers in the La Trobe survey wanted the last sex they had.
Excerpts from the Bible:
“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye—even your good eye —causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your hand—even your stronger hand —causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. (Matthew 5:27-30 NLT)
Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5 NLT)
You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything. You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead. Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. (1 Corinthians 6:12-20 NLT)
I would argue that sex is a sacred, just as marriage is just as property is just as our words and thoughts are and time. Which is what the 10 Commandments are stating.
Sex is for marriage and finds it's full expression, worth and value in marriage. It is so much more than for procreation and we know this becuase God says the two become one. One in mind body and soul. Sex is for the emotional bonding, assurance and connection that is unique apart from every other act. We intrinsicly know this. A simple answer is to ask: if sex has no value beyond a physical procreation and pleasure then why get upset if my wife or partner goes off and has sex with others? Why does the age of the partner matter?
