Relationships : Is it possible to have a sustaining thriving marriage?

Given we have spent the last few sessions debating the topic of relationships, funnily enough this whole topic was partially incubated from writing down some thoughts about my marriage. 

I was motivated to do so because it occurred to me at the time (and from time to time) that I had a great marriage when compared to many others around us.  [Looking at other people in worse situations than yourself is always a good antidote for getting depressed]

And it was not only the typical movie of men playing the joker, but women equally. 

About 3 years back, we ran through a couple of sessions on Values and defining them and prioritizing them. 

Back then, mine were (and still are): 

God

Marriage

Kids / Family

Health

Work

Education & Community

It would be remiss if we did not discuss marriage and the issues that cause that relationship to thrive, die the death of a thousand cuts or just bumble along. 

Given that marriage will be / is the most important earthly relationship you will ever have, do you and I stop from time to time to consider the health and status of it? 

Today is by no means to cast grief, condemnation or guilt by association on those who are divorced, absolutely not. In fact, your life experiences are worth much to today. 

I think today has to answer a few questions prior to getting to the main topic, they are: 

- What is the purpose of marriage? 

- Who authored it? - if it is a social / societal construct evolved over time, then what does the future look like? 

- What are the key boundaries / framework of marriage that "make it a marriage" and what is their function? 

- Why exclusivity and why for life? 

What makes for a successful marriage?

It would be a reasonable position to hold that marriage is the most important relationship between people.

What makes for a great marriage?

If I reflect upon my marriage so far and if I was standing in a room to newly weds or engaged couples I would say the following:

1.     God – He designed it, He is a relational God, He knows its purpose and function. If your relationship with God is not happening, then “God help you” get that happening.  How can you expect your earthly relationships to work if your heavenly one is not happening.  

2.     Deep respect and honour for Naomi - never ever ever ever take her for granted. 

3.     Servanthood/we're on the same team - when decisions are made, we know that the other takes into consideration the other. 

4.     Effort to look good

5.     Sex

6.     Time

7.     Words
- -  Courtship
 -

   Practical things: 

- - Buy her clothes, that I want to see her in, rather than looking at another women

- - Hands on help around the house, with kids

- - Cook

- - I know her love languages (food, time, affection/sex, words)

- - Admire her - i.e. notice her and tell her
- - Take her out one on one (I am not that great at this)
- - Listen
- - Go out of your way to cherish her, make her feel secure
 -- Taking a genuine interest in the other's interest.
-
Nim knows that if my relationship with God is healthy, then my relationship with her is secure.

Things I need work on
- - Test message / calls during the day to say hi
- - Taking her out one on one
- - Taking a moment to welcome them home or say good-bye

I have often thought more and more about what i would "want" to do if Nim wanted to walk away.
2 things that I am preparing my heart and mind for:
1. Her walk with God
2. To fight for her to reclaim her - not just for me but for my family.

This is where Rach Jackson has actually demonstrated to me the principle of fighting, even when it seems the die is cast to a rotten end. I can not afford to allow destruction to occur for my marriage and for my family.  I will do everything I can for as long as my Lord will sustain me to fight for the restoration of my marriage.

Remind oneself of the vows:
With thee body I worship, forsaking all others, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, till death do us part.
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